Our trip went really well – even though there were extenuating circumstances.
The trip started off on a bad note, in that I got a virus literally *on* the train on the way to Boston. By the time I got off the train, I had a killer headache, a definite sinus infection, and a ton of nausea from post-nasal trip.
Because of this, a lot of our sight-seeing was kiboshed. Lora and Jonathan were both OK with this. Jonathan because the first part of his convention had been much more grueling than expected. Lora had a ton of school work to do, and a last-minute assignment to get in, so she was just as happy to stay in & focus on that. We ended up getting up each day for brunch, heading back to the hotel to rest/study/read/prep for the convention, then grabbing an early dinner and heading back to the hotel for an early bed. Not the most awesome of trips, but the three of us hanging out together in a hotel room for hours on end (and really only talking amongst the three of ourselves for the weekend) went really well.
The first night, Lora was shy about asking me if it was ok after dinner if she ignored Jonathan and I, because the train trip and travel had really stressed her out and she just wanted to be left alone for the evening. That was an easy request for me to grant, as I really just wanted to relax and get my miserable sinuses under control.
Probably the most difficult part of the trip was that the hotel room had two full-sized beds, so we couldn’t all sleep together. Lora and Jonathan spent the first night in one bed with me in the other, and Lora & I switched for the second night. Given that neither of us would be seeing Jonathan for a week, it was kind of hard to divvy up the nights and be sleeping together (yet apart) in the same room. That said – it had been something that I was dreading, but in part because I was sick and that first night just wanted *sleep* it was a lot easier than I anticipated. It’s one of several things that I expected to worry me, or feel unworkable to me before we all moved into together, that turned out to be no more than a little blip.
Over the whole weekend, Lora opened up to me a lot more about her life, and we traded stories about a number of things. It seemed like she was trusting me with a lot more details of her life, including things that were really personal – the kind of stuff that she usually doesn’t tell people, because of being afraid that they’d use it to mock her, or use it against her in some way. In meant a lot to me, and it meant a whole lot that she was visibly relaxing around me as the weekend went on.
One interesting (and dear) side effect of me being sick was that Lora mother-henned me a lot in the sweetest way. She reminded me to take my meds, and reminded me to drink more water, and generally just checked on how I was feeling every few hours. At first, I was slightly annoyed and also tempted to remind her that I’ve been taking care of myself for years, and don’t need a minder, but then I remembered that she’d expressed worry to me about not doing/being enough, before she’s the least well set in life. Jonathan & I are both working full-time, and have been for at least a couple of years in careers were we make a really good income. Lora is still a student, and works part-time at lower-paying jobs with flexible hours, while she finishes her degree. Because her money is a lot tighter than hours, she contributes the least to bills, and frequently frets that we’re going to feel resentful about the money we spend to cover some of her food & expenses. Jonathan & I have worked out our feelings on this (which could be the subject of a whole other post), and we’re fine with the way things our. But I remember very well what it felt like when it feels like other people can offer you so much more than you can offer then, and how important little things can be, to show that you DO have something to offer. AND – as I thought about it, she was truly being helpful. It both meant a lot to me that she cared enough to keep an eye on me, and she did really help me to remember to stay hydrated and medicated.
The only possible sour note was that she and Jonathan did have an intense talk in the bathroom while I was falling asleep. Between being drowsy from medication and the water running, I couldn’t make out a lot, other than slightly-raised and emotion-charged voices. I’m really not sure what it was about and…that’s something that I still haven’t figured out what to do with. When they’re having a conflict, especially when they’re deliberately keeping it from me, I mostly steer clear of it and let them handle it. If it’s their business, I should leave it as their business, unless there is a genuinely good reason for me to get involved. But it does make me feel uncomfortable, and sometimes I worry that I’m doing the wrong thing by ignoring their disagreements.
But other than that little thing, the trip was the best I think it could be. On the way back today, we mostly didn’t talk on the train, as we were both kind of tired and…though spending the weekend went well, we both very much wanted private time and retreated to separate bedrooms when we got home (me to nap off more of her sickness, her to nap off some of the stress of travel).
We’ll see what the week brings, but so far, getting to know her has been working really well, and I feel like she’s also enjoying getting to know me, and feeling more comfortable about having me very involved in her life. My fingers and toes are crossed that it continues to go this well.