I’m feeling hopeful and optimistic, and it’s not just the holiday spirits (the good cheer kind or the alcohol kind)! Since I had a goodly chunk of time off around the holidays, Jon, Lora and I were able to spend quite a bit of time together. We had some friends over for some of the time, but a fair amount of it was just the three of us. It’s felt really good. We’ve been able to talk about some serious things and also spend a lot of time vegging and relaxing (The serious bedroom talking will be the subject of another post). It’s been good to have chunks of quality time with the three of us all together; it’s actually the first that we’d been able to have since we all moved in together. Because of our very different work schedules, the number of times that the three of us have been home (and awake) for more than an hour or two have been rare. Trying to get comfortable all living together has felt like it’s gone in stops and starts.
Happily, this concentrated time together has seemed to go a long way in helping me find a natural rhythm of us living together. I know that I feel easier around Lora and around Lora and Jon together, now that we’ve had chunks of time together that were more relaxed. It’s also felt like a true “time of plenty” when time wasn’t tight and we weren’t trying to fit too much doing into too little time for doing.
It’s also been helpful to me to see Lora and Jon joking around often enough to get a better idea of when they’re joking, and when things are actually contentious. Jon and Lora will…verbally “play harder” than Jon and I do (and harder than I do with most people), and seeing them poking at each other over a longer period of time has helped me to see that some of what I was interpreting as bickering is truly joking around. Some of it – not all of it. There are definitely times when the joking really is a prelude for bickering and possibly fighting. But I’m both getting better at telling the difference and seeing how comfortable I am with when they play harder. If I’m not comfortable with it…well, that would be an interesting question about what we’d do. I don’t think it would come to that, but I guess time will tell. The important part is that we’ve finally had some concentrated time to relax and be around each other. I think that time is both going to go a long way in helping us build our relationships and spur another set of blog posts on relationship dynamics when a V poly group lives together!