bedrooms and boundaries

After thinking and talking, we’re going to move the bedrooms around. Or rather, Lora is going to start using the spare bedroom as her bedroom, so that the communal bedroom feels more communal.

It is a big reverse from the original plan! Although Lora mentioned to me a few weeks ago that she felt pretty strongly that she was OK with (and then, in the last week or so “looking forward to”) making the spare bedroom her room, I wanted to wait to write about it until it was definite. I also wanted to wait until it was definite to really start to believe it was going to happen.

To paraphrase Lora, after she said that she didn’t want to change rooms, and we took that at face value and started making alternative plans, she felt a lot more comfortable with the idea of moving bedrooms because it was clear that we really would respect her wishes and not overrule her/force her to move/etc. And as she thought about it more (both from my position of feeling like the communal bedroom wasn’t communal and from her position of really wanting a room that felt totally private and hers to control), she realized that it did really make sense to move rooms. On top of that, it was an opportunity to actually redesign a room mostly with her aesthetics and her desires in mind, which isn’t something that she’s had many chances to do in life, and she was excited by that potential, as well.

For the bigger bedroom, Jon and I are taking the larger roles in that redesign (although all three of us do have some amount of input on both of the rooms). I’m really excited by this, and I’m thinking that it might be nice to redo the living room at some point too, and maybe the front entryway, as those are both areas that were heavily decorated when I originally moved into the apartment, and redoing all of them would make the apartment feel a lot more like mine/Lora/Jon’s.

On the emotional side of things, overall, I’m really happy. I do think this change is going to make a big positive difference for me and Lora. It’s also the best that we can do as long as we’re in this apartment and can’t afford a three bedroom (or a two bedroom with a small separate office room that could belong to Lora). It was a rocky road, getting here. There were a lot of painful feelings for both me and Lora. Looking back, I wish that I had been less upset, felt less like “OMG now everything is ruined and I RUINED IT” and was able to have more faith that we would figure things out and make it better. That is something that I want to think up (and learn from!) for future conflicts and difficulties.

Anyways the next few weeks is going to involve a lot of paint and furniture moving and reorganization. When all the work is done and the paintbrushes are drying on the radiator, we should have an improved home that better blends all our aesthetics and gives each of us more of what we want. Go us!


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polyamorist, cat-lover, hopeless optimist when I'm not being a firm realist.

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