So far, I’ve only managed one post on More Than Two. Although I have been reading it, I didn’t want to post about the book while my feelings were so raw and centered on my current relationship problems. I know that reading (or experiencing) anything is always filtered through our previous life experiences, so (of course!) I’m going to read the book and compare it to what I’ve experienced in polyamorous relationships that felt good and what felt bad, as well as my own (greater than only polyamory) moral compass. However, as long as my current relationship problems felt enormous and painful, I felt like my ability to compare what I was reading to the entire spectrum of my polyamory experience was inhibited – all I could focus on for awhile was this immediate, painful, stressful situation.
Now that there is a little bit of breathing room and time for greater reflection, I can once again focus more holistically on my life experiences with poly and dissect what I’m reading keeping the totality of my experiences in mind. Although my current difficulties still weigh heavily on my mind, they’re no longer the sole holder of my emotional bandwidth (a nifty phrase Rabbit Darling is using to describe how much energy and, well, bandwidth, she has available to Deal with Things). No matter what else is going on, I think having energy available to go back into reading and writing about More Than Two is a sign that my mental health is improving. On top of that, I’ve noticed a small uptick in productivity at work. So even if my body still isn’t up for much, at least my brain is feeling a hint of frisk and energy.