…that I have no concrete memory of the last time I saw Lora.
Jon broke up with her on Thursday. She was gone by the time I got home.
Wednesday, we had our night out with our friends. She was in bed by the time we got home.
Tuesday, I spent the night at my friend Jo’s and didn’t go home, so no chance of seeing her then.
Monday, I deliberately stayed at work until 11pm, because I didn’t want to see her when I got home from work (and I didn’t).
So I think that the last time we were awake and in the same room might have been Sunday evening, when she came into the kitchen while I was rummaging around in the fridge. I more or less refused to pull my head out of the fridge until she left. I think at one point, while my friend and I were watching TV in the living room, she came in and asked something, which I answered without looking at her.
It’s nice to not have a specific, concrete last memory of her. I’m not sure why, but it feels peaceful. It gives me further space away from her.