the Facebooks

I realized after my last post that I didn’t tell the entire tale of the weirdness that occurred on Facebook. I’d mentioned awhile ago that Lora’s mom found out before Thanksgiving 2014 (by seeing Jon’s profile when Lora was on Facebook) that Lora and Jon are poly. What I didn’t mention was that Lora deleted her Facebook account within a week of that happening. She said that it was because Facebook was too distracting to her; she was spending too many hours on it, so she decided to get rid of it entirely. I wondered though, that Lora’s sudden decision to delete her account came so soon after her mom learning that she and Jon are poly through Facebook, especially since Lora’s aunt (her mom’s sister) was friends with her on Facebook, and may have had access to her photos, which did have some photos of me, Jon, and Lora all together.

But she said that she deleted her account because it was a timesuck. I did my best to believe that, despite my twanging gut.

This past February, I got a new friend request from Lora. She had a new account with a different last name. Unlike her original Facebook account, this new account didn’t have any relatives connected to it. Curious, I thought. *twang twang* said my stomach.

Maybe I’m paranoid, I speculate. Or overthinking. It probably means nothing.

“Keep telling yourself that,” my stomach says in a snarky, gurgley voice.

Anywhoo, a few weeks ago, when Lora sent Jon an email saying that she wanted to cease all communication for the time being, she also blocked both of us on Facebook. I discovered this when her “liking” of something I posted disappeared. I was curious as to why she unliked it, and searching her name turned up no results for her at all. I was idly texting with a friend (who was also Lora’s friend on Facebook) and said it looked like she’d deleted her account again (at the time, I didn’t know about Lora’s email to Jon about having no more communication). My friend sent me back a screen shot showing that she was still friends with Lora. Ok, so she blocked me. Whatever. Now I don’t have to worry about her Facebook stalking me, nor will I be tempted to do so to her.

A day or after Jon and I talked about her email saying she didn’t want to have any communication with him anymore, I mentioned her blocking me on Facebook to him. He said that part of what she wrote was that she blocked both of us; it was too painful to have our stuff come up on her Facebook feed. I said I totally understood that. I do. I blocked someone for a time, after a painful break-up in the past, so I get it.

Then she emailed him to tell him that she took it back; they should start talking again. At some point during that time, I went to look up another Lora on Facebook – a close friend from college who I regularly exchange wall posts on interesting subjects with. As I was typing in “Lora”, my ex-metamour Lora’s photo popped up. With her actual last name. Confused, I clicked on it.

It was her old profile, the one she said she deleted last year. Which is seems she deactivated – and just reactivated. Except that we were no longer friends. Looking at the “friends in common” part, I found that we still had a lot of friends in common, but she defriended me, Jon, and several of our closest friends. But she didn’t defriend Jon’s dad, and a number of our other friends.

Given that I can’t see her whole profile, I wonder if she also deleted the photos that show the three of us together.

Either way, it was really rattling to have her name show up unexpectedly. I decided that once the move was done and we had the keys back, I’d block her on Facebook. Because knowing she’s on…honestly, there is a part of me that it curious to troll her. The most consuming part of my anger and upsetness at how things ended and her abusive and coercive behavior has waned, but I do still feel angry. A part of me is morbidly curious about what is going on with her life.

But that’s neither my concern or my business, so I’d rather block her and remove the temptation to keep seeing if she’s posting clues to what is actually going on in her life on her profile. Not my circus. Not my monkeys.

And much better for my mental health to have as little connection as possible.

As I type, Jon and Lora should be moving Lora’s stuff out. I can hardly wait to hear that it’s done. And I’m deeply excited to go home to a home that is free of Lora’s things. And see her keys back. How wonderful. For me at least, it’ll be over. I can block her on Facebook, work through the remaining angry feelings I have towards her, and generally move on in my life.

Just thinking about it feels like heaven.


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polyamorist, cat-lover, hopeless optimist when I'm not being a firm realist.

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