coming to the end; moving towards new beginnings

Jon and I are leaving for Burning Man tomorrow morning. I’m wrapping up things with work now.

Last night, when I got home, Jon was upset with Lora. She was text-bombing him again and rehashing what went wrong/pushing to try again/basically texting about everything that they are specifically NOT supposed to be texting about.

I had a few friends – Rachel and Alicia – come over, so I don’t know what happened, but by the time Jon joined us about half an hour later, he seemed mostly fine, and by the end of the night, he was in high spirits.

During the time that Jon was not with us, I mentioned to Rachel and Alicia the weird Facebook stuff with Lora. Rachel and Alicia are still friends with Lora on Facebook. While we were talking, Rachel looked up Lora’s Facebook profile on her tablet and said “I don’t want to be weird or anything, but I think…something is hinky here…Liz, look at this”.

So I look at Lora’s wall, and quickly realized that she erased any mention of the time we all lived together and any mention of us being metamours from her profile. A bunch of photos were gone that showed the three of us together or her and I together. Any comments and messages back and forth between us that made any mention of us living together or could have been read between-the-lines that we were both in relationships with Jon were gone.

Here’s the thing; I know this isn’t all about me. And if having anything that had anything to do with me (or Jon) at all on her wall was too painful for Lora, I could totally understand her deleting everything. But she didn’t. There’s still a bunch of stuff that I made comments on, or shared on her wall. It’s just anything that showed the three of us together, or photos of her and I together (like some ones that Jon took at a wedding) that are gone. The photos of her and Jon are still up. All of the things between her and Jon are still up that don’t make mention of me or involve me. It looks like the only stuff that’s gone is the stuff that shows we were all poly together and living together. Any photos of us all at home together where it is obvious that it’s all us at home are gone. If the photos were ones that Jon or I took, they’re still up on our Facebook pages, obviously, but they’ve been removed from hers.

To me, it looks like maybe I was right about her not being poly at all and not wanting her family to know about being poly. Or maybe even her friends. Even though I could see that her profile said she was in an open relationship, could everybody see that? Did any of her friends actually know she was poly and living with her partner and metamour?

Does it really matter? Is it something I’m going to carry around? I’m not going to carry it around, no. But it troubles me, in that, if she’s still pushing to get back together with Jon, but erased all mention of our poly life together, what does that mean? Is it something I should ever bring up to Jon?

Probably not, in part because I do think she’s going to push and badger him until she’s pushed and badgered him right out of her life. If it looked like they were going to get back together, well…I’ll figure out what to do/say if it happens.

It mainly feels really weird. But it also feels a bit closure-y, which is good, since after looking at Lora’s profile with Rachel’s account, I went to my account, and I blocked Lora.

No more Facebook stalking for me. I learned what I needed to learn. I’m done.

Now it’s time to focus on me and Jon’s vacation and both of us getting back to ourselves.


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polyamorist, cat-lover, hopeless optimist when I'm not being a firm realist.

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