new year, new experiences, new beginnings

Happy New Year!

I hope you had a wonderful holiday.

Mine was nice, though somewhat exhausting. We went and visited Jon’s family for the holidays. His mom and dad had some amazing vacation time available to them for the holidays (lucky European vacation policies), so they traveled back to the US for a few weeks. We spent some time down south, visiting with one branch of the family, before heading west to visit with another branch.

It was the most time I’d ever spent with his family, and it was really wonderful. I got to know his parents a lot better. I got to see his siblings – I already know them somewhat (they used to live nearby). I got to meet his grandparents (His surviving grandparents are rather old, so it really was a pleasure to spend some time getting to know them.). I’d met most of his aunts and uncles before, but I got to meet more of them, and get to know all of them better.

I still feel like his family is really cool, and quite a bit more…reasonable than mine. I did see more of the problems and frictions between them, having spent the better part of two weeks with various permutations of family members. They’re much more likely to be honest with each other than my family members, I think. They also butt heads more, but they get over things waaaay better than my family, and there’s a lot less passive-aggressiveness than in my family.

Not that it’s a competition. It’s just a little sad to think that I enjoyed spending time with his family far more than I would with mine. Mine has a sort of group-think mindset that I’ve never cared for. It’s one of those “everybody has to do everything together or everything is ruined” kind of mindsets, where as his family is much more likely to have people say “ok, I’m all peopled out now. I’m going to surf the web/read/go shopping/lay down for a few hours” and that is totally fine.

I thought about Lora some. I was nervous, both on Christmas and New Years, that she’d call and fight with Jon. She didn’t, thankfully. He only mentioned her once in the last few weeks, and that was to say they had a fight because she was angry that he started traveling so much more after their break up. And by traveling “so much more” that would be our trip to NYC and traveling to see his family at the holidays. Which I guess *is* more than his usual travel, which is Burning Man (which was sort of his-and-my vacation together) and a vacation with her. But then (as I pointed out to him, and he agreed) it was damn hard to travel with her, because she never had any money, so he had to pay for everything. And while I can see why she’d feel hurt about him (and me) traveling, if I were in her shoes, it’s not something I would bring up, much less fight about.

But to her, it wasn’t fair. Never mind that Jon having to pay for both of them wasn’t fair to him (or something he could afford more than once a year). As usual, it’s all about Lora.

In other not-awesome news, Jessica has emailed me several times in the past few weeks. Super-energetic, bubbly emails that were really…weird, given how she’d been ignoring Jon and me lately. Jon came to me at one point a few weeks ago and said that he’d run into her and that she’d been extremely chatty and let him know that she wasn’t traveling for the holidays, so she could watch our cats if we were.

We both think that maybe we were “supposed” to be hurt or upset and reach out to her when she was ignoring us, but since that didn’t get our attention, she switched gears to being friendly. Why now – and why she’s (presumably) decided that she wants to be friends, I have absolutely no idea. Or interest.

I don’t really do resolutions, though I do use the new year to take stock of my life and think about the changes that I’d like to make. Much of that has to do with my health. I’ve actually been making some slow, incremental progress in the past few weeks. But instead of trying to make bigger leaps, this time, I want to hold myself back more and keep progressing slowly, and see if really taking my time helps. I’m also trying…well, honestly, damn well near everything. Modifying my diet, meditation, breaking up how I do my exercises, acupuncture, asking work if I can have a standing desk and a balance ball…but all of it slowly, and with more recording of my feelings and health.

I can’t remember if I mentioned it before, but I finally joined a chronic pain support group/forum, and it’s made a real difference, in terms of getting a lot more ideas (big and small) as well as people able to talk to people who really get it. Not that support from those I love is unimportant, but it does feel really different to be able to pour my heart out to people who viscerally understand the pain and frustration. There is a sub-group in the forum for people who are under 40 and in pain, which specifically addresses some of the difficulties of being relatively young and having chronic issues. The people there have really been a blessing, and I hope that I’m offering as much support as I give.

I do have some other thoughts/resolutions about both Jessica and Lora, but I don’t feel like getting into them now, so I won’t. That was another thing I decided – to try to actively discourage myself from thinking about both of them and really try to just let it all go, as completely and sincerely as possible. I think I have been doing that over these past months, but I think sometimes I still slip into ruminating about one or the other of them, and I’d really like to stop. Or at least vastly cut down.

But that’s a post for another time. I need to fall into bed soon and I want to spend the time before bed focused more on health things, instead of negative ruminating. So off to bed for me…

…and to all, a good night! 🙂



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polyamorist, cat-lover, hopeless optimist when I'm not being a firm realist.

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