I think I might need to take time off from reading any websites and listening to any podcasts that talk about abusive relationships or mental health problems. Every time I read/listen to one of those things, I (of course) compare it to Lora. Sadly, it’s usually in a “yes, she did that”, “yep, I heard her say that every other week”, “holy shit, I totally forgot, but she did do that a couple of times!” kind of way. Which is both depressing (being reminded when it’s still a bit raw what a major asshole she was/is), and also gets me ruminating on her again, and that’s not healthy.
I had a couple of months of mostly getting Lora out of my mind, but for some reason, she’s gotten stuck in there again, and it’s driving me a little nuts. Of course, she is a bit on my mind, since her and Jon will resume talking again sometime in the near future and I wonder what’s going to happen there. Will Jon start making the “I am having a text fight with Lora and it’s stressing me out?” face on regular basis. Will she start pushing to get back into a relationship with him right this second?
God, that second question is probably incredibly dumb. In all likelihood, of course she will.
One thing I’ve been debating lately, in regards to Lora and Jon, in pointing out that – for friends – they sure do act datey. A friend of mine who I only see a few times a year was asking what happened with Jon and Lora (he’d heard about the breakup through the grapevine), and when I mentioned a few of the things that happened in recent months, he kept saying “But they’re broken up, right?” “She’s demanding he call/text her every day when he gets up, but they’re broken up?” “She’s mad that the two of you travel more than she and Jon did and fighting with him about it, but they’re broken up?”. Yes, they’re broken up. And he said “Maybe you should remind Jon of that and ask if he has any other friends that he has this kind of ‘friendship’ with. Because if he doesn’t, maybe he should think about that and what it means”
Maybe I should.
Anywhoo, I’m debating how much I “should” be thinking of Lora, if at all. It feels weird. A few weeks ago, I was barely thinking about her at all. Now that I know she and Jon will resume speaking again soon, I feel anxious and worried that he’s going to start getting stressed. It’s definitely something I should talk to him about when he gets back.
I also need to remind myself that I spent several months being aware that Lora and Jon were in contact and it was generally fine and doable. It really was. I don’t think that’s hyperbole on my part; it really was mostly fine and completely livable. It’s just that the past month of no Lora at all has been soooooooo wonderful. It’s feels hard to go back to that.
For now, I think I’m going to take a break from reading anything to do with relationships and mental health (once I finish the post I’m working on). Much as I like reading about and learning more about mental health and relationships, if all of those things keep bringing Lora to the front of my mind, I should probably take a break from them and come back to it after she’s been firmly placed more in the back of my mind.