as clear as I think I am

Yesterday I mentioned wondering if I was really as clear as I think I am, mentally, now that I’m aware that I had this mental fog that has lifted. Then I went back to bed, because I felt like a pile o’ crap.

I spent most of the rest of the day in bed. I was able to work from home, which only required checking my emails every few hours, since work is slow this week. So I mostly laid in bed and had body aches and tried to distract myself with TED talks and other videos, because despite the body pain, my mind continued to feel clear and alert in ways that it hasn’t in a long time.

I kept marveling and wondering about that clarity and what I wrote yesterday. Mainly, I mused over how how much mental fog has really lifted. Where I am really? What if I only feel really mentally clear because I’ve been increasingly badly fogged over the past few months? Continue reading as clear as I think I am

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I will say…

…for all that my body feels like an aching, broken thing, my mind feels amazingly clear. Clearer than it has been in months. I know I had a degree of mental fog, but I assumed that was a physical symptom of my health issues, pain levels, and exhaustion. I never imagined that much of it (if not all of it) could be from the anti-inflammatories. Wow.

That’s one of the hardest things for me about chronic illness. It’s hard to know what is caused by the problem, what is caused by the medications, or what is caused by both of those things to some degree. And though I feel mentally clearer right now than I have in a long time, it’ll be interesting to see if I stay this clear, or if I’m really as clear as I think I am.

So, even with the throbbing misery of my body, at least I’m getting one benefit right now. Fingers crossed that there will be more in a few days!